"Congressman Weiner's Twitter account was hacked 'allegedly,' and someone texted a picture of his 'junior senator' to a college girl. Now this is good news for me because I can Google 'weiner photos' at work and not get fired." —Craig Ferguson
"I'm not certain of a lot of things. But there are three things in this world that I know for certain: Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie. OJ killed those people. And what my erect penis looks like in my own underwear from a bird's-eye view." —Jon Stewart, on Rep. Anthony Weiner's claim that he 'can't say with certitude' whether a photo posted on his Twitter account of a man wearing just boxer shorts was actually him
"I see only two options here: Either Anthony Weiner has too many photos of his junk to keep track of, or 'Certitiude' is his nickname for his penis." —Stephen Colbert
"In real life, in my memory, this guy had a lot more 'Anthony' and a lot less 'Weiner.' ... "The only thing they have in common is that they both lean to the extreme left!" —Jon Stewart, on allegations that Rep. Anthony Weiner, a former housemate of Stewart's, sent out a crotch photo from his Twitter account
"If I was Anthony Weiner, I'd blame this all on Brett Favre." —Jimmy Kimmel
"I'm not certain of a lot of things. But there are three things in this world that I know for certain: Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie. OJ killed those people. And what my erect penis looks like in my own underwear from a bird's-eye view." —Jon Stewart, on Rep. Anthony Weiner's claim that he 'can't say with certitude' whether a photo posted on his Twitter account of a man wearing just boxer shorts was actually him
"I see only two options here: Either Anthony Weiner has too many photos of his junk to keep track of, or 'Certitiude' is his nickname for his penis." —Stephen Colbert
"In real life, in my memory, this guy had a lot more 'Anthony' and a lot less 'Weiner.' ... "The only thing they have in common is that they both lean to the extreme left!" —Jon Stewart, on allegations that Rep. Anthony Weiner, a former housemate of Stewart's, sent out a crotch photo from his Twitter account
"If I was Anthony Weiner, I'd blame this all on Brett Favre." —Jimmy Kimmel
